When You’re Out of “Spoons”: Understanding Energy and Self-Compassion for Sensitive, Depressed, or ADHD Brains
If you live with ADHD, depression, or high sensitivity, you’ve probably had days when you just can’t—when even small things like returning a text, folding laundry, or deciding what to make for dinner feel like too much.
And then the self-criticism kicks in:
“Why can’t I just get it together like everyone else?”
“Other people don’t struggle with this.”
“I’m so lazy.”
If that sounds familiar, I want to introduce you to a powerful metaphor called Spoon Theory—a simple, compassionate way to understand your energy and stop beating yourself up.
What Is Spoon Theory?
Spoon Theory was created by Christine Miserandino to describe what it’s like to live with chronic illness. She used spoons as a metaphor for units of energy.
Imagine you wake up in the morning with a certain number of spoons—say, 10. Every activity you do throughout the day costs you a few spoons. When you run out, you’re done.
People with chronic conditions, or with sensitive nervous systems (like those with ADHD or depression), often start the day with fewer spoons than others—or spend them more quickly. That’s not laziness; it’s about how your nervous system uses energy.
Spoon Theory for Depression, Sensitivity, and ADHD
Let’s say you have ADHD or high sensitivity.
Your brain processes more input—noise, light, emotions, even other people’s moods. That constant stimulation quietly drains spoons throughout the day.
If you have depression, your motivation and physical energy might be limited. Even basic self-care—like getting dressed or making a meal—can use several spoons at once.
This is why you might wake up already tired, or why weekends meant for “catching up” sometimes feel impossible. Your nervous system is overdrawn.
Examples of Energy Takers (Spoon Drainers)
Multitasking or jumping between tasks
Social interactions (especially large groups or emotionally charged conversations)
Decision-making – what to wear, what to eat, what to say
Cluttered spaces or visual overstimulation
Noise or background chaos
Scrolling or comparing yourself online
Conflict – even subtle tension in relationships
Unstructured time – too many options can lead to paralysis
Masking or pretending to be “fine” when you’re not
Activities that take a lot of executive functioning — paperwork, planning, prioritizing, making decisions
You can think of these as activities that take 2–3 spoons instead of one.
Examples of Energy Restorers (Spoon Refillers)
Quiet, alone time (especially in nature or soft lighting)
Gentle movement – walking, stretching, yoga
Listening to calming music or guided meditation
Creative expression – knitting, journaling, doodling
Talking with someone safe who “gets it”
Organizing one small corner of your space (not the whole room!)
Nourishing food and hydration
Rest without guilt – even lying down for 10 minutes can return a spoon or two
Therapy or reflective journaling – reconnecting with your emotional truth
These help your nervous system downshift into a calmer state, allowing your energy to rebuild.
Managing Your Spoons with Awareness and Compassion
Here’s a simple framework you can try:
1. Start your day by checking your spoon count.
How many spoons do you realistically have today—10? 6? 3?
Maybe you didn’t sleep well, had an argument, or are recovering from overstimulation. Start where you are.
2. Spend spoons intentionally.
If you only have 6 spoons, choose what matters most.
You may not be able to work a full day, clean the house, and attend a social event. Pick one or two things that align with your values or truly need attention.
3. Add spoon-refilling breaks.
Schedule short resets throughout your day—step outside, stretch, or breathe deeply.
Even a few minutes can make a big difference for an ADHD or sensitive brain.
4. Plan for recovery time.
If you know something will drain you (a long work meeting, a social gathering, or a difficult conversation), plan spoon restoration afterward. This is proactive self-care, not weakness.
5. Release comparison.
Other people might seem to have an endless supply of spoons—but they don’t have your nervous system, your history, or your sensitivity.
Your pace is valid. Your needs are real.
From Self-Blame to Self-Understanding
Using Spoon Theory helps reframe the story from “I’m lazy or broken” to “I’m managing my energy in a body and brain that work differently.”
When you understand your energy through this lens, you can make choices that support healing, balance, and self-respect—rather than pushing yourself to the point of burnout.
If you’re seeking counseling in Lake Oswego
If this way of thinking resonates with you—if you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly running out of spoons—therapy can help you reconnect with your energy and sense of self.
At HeartWise Counseling, I help adults with ADHD, sensitivity, or depression learn how to understand their emotional rhythms and build more compassionate lives.
Schedule a consultation to start learning how to manage your energy—and your life—with understanding instead of self-criticism.